For many women, trying to get pregnant begins with the belief that if they take care of themselves, eat well, exercise, and do everything right, pregnancy should eventually happen.
But fertility is not always that simple.
Sam Tejada, CEO and Founder of Liquivida®, invited health educator, entrepreneur, and content creator Iliriana Balaj to sit down for a candid conversation on “A Healthy Point of View” podcast about infertility, informed consent, bodily autonomy, and the questions she believes women should be asking before accepting a treatment simply because it is presented as the next step.
Iliriana’s own experience has taken her through years of trying to understand her body, fertility testing, an IVF clinic, a second opinion, and eventually a diagnosis of endometriosis. What makes her story different is that she is sharing it before she knows how it will end.
Before You Choose IVF, Ask These Questions | Iliriana Balaj | Ep. 172
When Everything Seems Fine, But It Isn’t
Iliriana explained that one of the hardest parts of infertility is the uncertainty.
You can have plans for your future, picture the family you want, and make decisions around that vision. Then infertility enters the picture, and suddenly you do not know what your future will look like.
She describes that uncertainty as a form of grief of its own.
For Iliriana and her husband, one of the most important decisions has been refusing to let desperation make their choices for them. They remind themselves that they are already a family, regardless of whether they eventually have the children they hoped for.
That mindset has helped them slow down and ask a different question: What is actually happening, and do we understand why?
Looking Beyond the Obvious Answer
One of Iliriana’s biggest frustrations has been the tendency to treat fertility as though it exists separately from the rest of the body.
During the conversation, she questioned whether enough attention is given to the broader health picture when someone struggles to conceive. She discussed factors that can be overlooked and argued that fertility conversations should involve a deeper look at the individual rather than immediately focusing on reproductive procedures.
For her, the goal is not simply to become pregnant.
She wants to have a healthy pregnancy and, ultimately, a healthy child.
That distinction has influenced the way she approaches every decision.
The Diagnosis That Changed Her Understanding of Her Body
Iliriana eventually learned that she had endometriosis, a diagnosis that took time for her to process because she had not experienced the kind of pain she associated with the condition.
She said it took roughly three months to fully absorb what the diagnosis meant.
The experience also changed the way she viewed medical care. Rather than simply accepting a recommendation and moving forward, she wanted to understand the reasoning behind it, examine the available information, and work collaboratively with a doctor she trusted.
She credits her physician, Dr. Gavin Putoff, with listening closely, looking for an underlying issue, and being honest about the statistics instead of promising an outcome.
For Iliriana, that relationship matters. She wants a doctor who is invested in finding answers, not simply moving her from one procedure to the next.
Is IVF Always the Answer?
Iliriana is careful to make one thing clear: she is not arguing that IVF should be taken away from anyone.
She recognizes that IVF can be an important option and gave the example of couples dealing with certain genetic conditions where embryo selection may be valuable.
Her concern is whether IVF is sometimes presented as the obvious next step without enough discussion about why it is being recommended, what other possibilities exist, and whether the patient is genuinely comfortable proceeding.
Iliriana and her husband have their own limits. IVF is currently a line they are not comfortable crossing.
For her, having a line in the sand does not mean she is unwilling to pursue motherhood. It means she wants her decisions to remain her own.
Informed Consent Means Having a Choice
That idea of choice runs through much of Iliriana’s story.
She has received messages from women who say that watching her experience gave them the confidence to pause, ask more questions, or reconsider moving immediately into another procedure.
To Iliriana, that is what informed consent should look like.
A patient should be able to understand what is being recommended, why it is being recommended, what alternatives may exist, and what the potential consequences are before deciding.
She also pushes back against the idea that a woman has to prove how badly she wants a child by agreeing to every available intervention.
Wanting motherhood does not mean someone should have to lose herself in the process.
Fertility Does Not Define a Woman
The experience has also forced Iliriana to reconsider what she believes it means to be a woman.
She rejects the idea that a woman’s primary or only purpose is to become a mother.
She describes herself as nurturing and creative and points to the many ways she has already cared for and contributed to other people throughout her life.
For her, fertility can mean more than reproduction.
That perspective has helped her separate her identity from the outcome she is hoping for.
She can deeply want a child without allowing the desire for one outcome to determine her entire sense of worth.
Sharing the Story Before Knowing the Ending
Perhaps one of the most unusual things about Iliriana’s story is that she is telling it while she is still in the middle of it.
She has not reached a neat conclusion. She does not know exactly what will happen next.
She believes that is precisely why the conversation matters.
Much of the public conversation around infertility comes from people looking back after they have eventually had a baby. Iliriana wanted to speak while she was still asking questions, making decisions, feeling uncertain, and figuring out what she was comfortable with.
She wants other women to know that they can pause.
They can ask another question. They can seek another opinion. And they can decide that something does not feel right without feeling guilty for it.
Keep Asking Questions
Iliriana’s advice at the end of the conversation is simple: keep looking.
If something has been dismissed as unimportant, ask why. If a treatment is being recommended, ask why it is the next step.
If you are struggling to understand what is happening, ask whether every possible avenue has been considered.
One question she believes patients should be willing to ask their doctors is: “Why do I have to fail before I succeed?”
Sometimes, taking a step back does not mean giving up. It can mean gathering more information, finding people who understand what you are going through, and making a decision you can live with.
Iliriana’s story is still unfolding. But her message is already clear: infertility can be deeply emotional, but it does not have to mean surrendering your voice in the process.
You can want something deeply and still ask questions. You can trust your doctor and still seek another opinion.
And you can pursue an answer without giving up your right to decide what happens to your body.